Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Our Political Future is Fucked...

The mere that Michelle Bachmann is even mentioned as a serious contender in 2012 is all the evidence you need that people are stupid and our political system has hit rock bottom. There are a few million people who think she can win and are actually supporting her.

This is the kind of cunt who says that Washington is full of corrupt politicians and it's a horrible place, yet wants to be president and spend even MORE time there. Are you idiots fucking blind? She has blasted government waste yet has a stake in her father in law's farm that receives subsidies from the same government and people don't seem to care.

She thinks John Quincy Adams was a Founding Father. Just look it up.

She has said that the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery.

She is all that is wrong with our political system because people actually say, "Well, she's better than Obama". Is she? You think Obama is an embarrassment to America? Put that bitch in the White House and see what happens.

As soon as you start playing the "lesser of two evils" game, we are fucked. And if you continue to vote for someone based on how bad the current guy is, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. Read a book. Join a fucking book club if you need help. But please, don't vote if you're too lazy and stupid to know who, what, and why you are voting...

Monday, June 27, 2011

Graduation Etiquette...

So, I think I just finished up with graduation season. I went to four this year. And all were awesome. I do tend to notice, however, that my theories on the general stupidity and lack of courtesy amongst the masses tends to prove correct when I attend these functions.

Rule #1. Your fucking kid isn't the only graduate. I know you're excited that he is the first one in the family to finish high school, but you need to think about a few things. DO NOT stand up and video the WHOLE FUCKING thing from your seat. The person behind your fat ass may have the kid following yours and might need to do the same thing.

Maybe you should get there early and stake out a good place where your pile of balloons, family that talks during the commencement, and your exit RIGHT AFTER your kid walks across the stage will cause the least amount of frustration for EVERY SINGLE other parent who is just as excited.

I was thinking about more rules, but it seems futile. The people who need to see this won't. The people who take an extra seat on either side of them for their purse, flowers, or whatever other useless shit they decided to bring are not going EVER get it.

What happened to common courtesy? What happened to not thinking that the world revolves around you? Did your fat ass cure cancer? Have you done anything special ever in your life to warrant such behavior? The answer you are looking for is no. We are all stuck here together so maybe what would make this shit more bearable is a little following of the Golden Rule.

Then again, if people started getting all nice and shit, I'd have nothing to bitch about. Until then, fuck these people and I patiently await for some kind of incurable mutation of the Swine Flu to thin this overpopulated herd...

Friday, June 24, 2011

Put A Shirt On Please...

I get completely confused by the 40 year old guy jogging without a shirt...in public...on a busy street...during rush hour. I'm no prize but you really need to consider how much you ruin my day by jogging down a busy public street in your fucking Rocky gear all shirtless, pasty, and sweaty with your dick-cheesey tribal arm band everyone else got in 1992. Seriously, you look like 400 lbs. of gummy bears got shoved down your throat and then decided to jiggle down the road during peak traffic.

Look, I like it that you want to jog and exercise to get in shape, but can't you do it with your shirt on? I have not yet accepted that obese is aesthetically pleasing. And I'm a fat ass and see it in the mirror every day. I just really have no desire to see that after a hard day at work.

On the optimistic side, at least looking at that guy on my way home yesterday kept me from shoving more than three pieces of pizza into my head last night...

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I Think I Know Why...

So, I was driving home yesterday and there was some asshole in the middle lane going 50 MPH and causing a nice bit of traffic. I noticed it was a "driving school" car so I figured it was just some dumb ass student driver learning so I somehow felt less angry.

Then, I pulled up next to the car to confirm my assumptions and it was an Asian lady driving by herself.

"The instructor?", I said to myself out loud.

What the fuck. If this bitch is teaching people how to drive and this is how she does it herself, it makes sense that people in this town can't drive for shit. My racism forces me to assume that the people who own this school are Asian because nobody in their right fucking mind would hire one to teach people how to drive...I'm pretty sure that defies about 16 laws of Physics...

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

It's Official!

I am officially done with facebook. I have "deactivated" my account which is a problem. that means your profile is still there if you choose to come back. I don't like that. I mean, does it bother anyone that everything you say and do on that thing is archived and saved forever? I'm done.

I am going to miss the super-awesome stories about your dog chasing birds and taking a nap, being at a restaurant with your kids, or checking in at a fucking airport. Really? Does your life suck that bad? Is it THAT boring. Can't you post shit about the dirtiest thing you did last weekend? You're already exposing every other personality and character flaw on that thing--I'm referring to your desperate posts to get attention, the drama queens, and your lack of education and ability to spell. So, show me your tits. That's really all anyone wants to see anyway.

With all that said, I've decided to coin a phrase for the average douchebag facebook user based on being uninteresting, unfunny, and generally annoying all while have no idea that you are a waste of skin.

It is a condition I like to call: Can't Undo Narcissistic Tendencies Yourself. That's right kids...CUNTY is the newest psychological disorder facebook forces upon you. Yes, I have a blog that's ALL about me and my thoughts, but aside from the few who know me personally, this is supposed to be significantly more anonymous and I would like to keep it that way.

This is only going to get worse...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Yes...This Is Where You Will Find Me...

So, I am again done with facebook. It's gay and I am starting to hate people more than normal so you will find me drunk and brooding here. For the people who know me personally, I need you to keep in mind that this is intended to be somewhat anonymous. That means not referring to me by name and shit. Or the girlfriend.

Also, I am going to be saying some pretty offensive things so please keep in mind that nothing is directed at you personally--unless you're a self-absorbed asshole and think the world (and this shitty blog) revolves around you. It does not. So if talking about skanks, fags, retards, fucking Asian drivers, modelling your 5 year old daughter to prepare her for the world of gold-digging whoredom, your fake religion, or ignorant idea of politics bothers you, please refrain from thinking it's personal. And if you must comment, say what you want but keep in mind that I will not be deleting anything and I encourage a somewhat cordial exchange.

Shit's about to get real. Or whatever the fuck that means.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Time Warner Sucks...

So, I have been forced to be a Time Warner customer for about 7 years now and i have to say it is the worst piece of shit cable service the world may ever know.

Their DVR's last about a year before they stop working. and that means you have to not only re-program them every time you get a new one, but you lose all the shit you haven't watched up until that point. And, they charge $15 per month for the privilege to use their shitty equipment.

You can never talk to anyone who actually has the ability to get shit done. They have accidentally shut my service down twice because their techs got the wrong address. And, both times, it took them 3 days to get back out to fix it.

And the channel lineup is all over the fucking place. At channel 83 they go into repeat mode and then new channels start all the way at 123. What kind of chimp made that decision?

I am not sure what kind of idiots are running the show over there, but I want to be an executive too since there appears to be little in the way of work you actually have to do there.

They don't carry the NFL Network. They made FuelTV a subscription service that also includes the Asian Channel. Why the fuck would I want the Asian channel? I can get that shit for free on internet AND that usually involves petite women going ATM.

And, I get all this shitty service for $125 per month.

Seriously, if anyone from Time Warner reads this I would love to chat about it. Except for the Asian stuff. I've already come to terms with that and it was messy...

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Maybe I'm Just an Asshole...

So, I keep hearing all of my overtly Christian friends say that we have to protect and defend Israel. I get the homeland thing and the process is a fucking mess but I am curious about how a Christian defends this activity...

If you believe the Bible, then it would appear that the Jews rejected your god, Jesus. Isn't that an eternal sin? And how can you support people who denied your god? How is that possible?