So, I think I just finished up with graduation season. I went to four this year. And all were awesome. I do tend to notice, however, that my theories on the general stupidity and lack of courtesy amongst the masses tends to prove correct when I attend these functions.
Rule #1. Your fucking kid isn't the only graduate. I know you're excited that he is the first one in the family to finish high school, but you need to think about a few things. DO NOT stand up and video the WHOLE FUCKING thing from your seat. The person behind your fat ass may have the kid following yours and might need to do the same thing.
Maybe you should get there early and stake out a good place where your pile of balloons, family that talks during the commencement, and your exit RIGHT AFTER your kid walks across the stage will cause the least amount of frustration for EVERY SINGLE other parent who is just as excited.
I was thinking about more rules, but it seems futile. The people who need to see this won't. The people who take an extra seat on either side of them for their purse, flowers, or whatever other useless shit they decided to bring are not going EVER get it.
What happened to common courtesy? What happened to not thinking that the world revolves around you? Did your fat ass cure cancer? Have you done anything special ever in your life to warrant such behavior? The answer you are looking for is no. We are all stuck here together so maybe what would make this shit more bearable is a little following of the Golden Rule.
Then again, if people started getting all nice and shit, I'd have nothing to bitch about. Until then, fuck these people and I patiently await for some kind of incurable mutation of the Swine Flu to thin this overpopulated herd...